Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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