But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
