Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize