Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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