Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
