hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She's just so happy...and so naked.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
