Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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