The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
