I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
