Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
