Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
