hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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