That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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