the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
