the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
