I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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