I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
