The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
