she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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