He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize