I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
