I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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