I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize