Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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