Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
