he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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