Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
