The maid of honor just puked.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
