so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
