I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
now i know why i became what i already was.
even my farts smell like vagina
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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