He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
