somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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