Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
