how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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