I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
