Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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