you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
