what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
