O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
