You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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