in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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