dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
