She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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