You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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