3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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