My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
