i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
