guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
