make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
