my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
whose ass print is on the piano?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i think my cat just said my name.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
