Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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