Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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