my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
