did you get engaged???
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I looked at my own cervix.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
