anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
