i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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