I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I party with great urgency now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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