new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize