Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
