never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
