Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
