i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
3pm strippers are depressing
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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