Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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