yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize