your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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