2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
