Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
