my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
